To some, pets are a source of cute, absolute love. To me, they're a perpetual looming spectre of death

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/jun/15/charlie-brooker-pets-death

I Love this article, and its all about pets and immortality!

'To some, pets are a source of cute, absolute love. To me, they're a perpetual looming spectre of death

Somebody suggested buying a scorpion or a tiger. That way, rather than worrying about its death, I'd be worrying about my own'

"I should perhaps point out that I'm not equating wives with pets. For one thing, you can't bury a wife in a shoebox"

"Because animals die, that's why. And they die too soon. They've got short life spans. I had a cat once. And I loved that cat. But eventually the cat died, and I don't know if I want to go through that again. Literally every time I stroke someone else's cat or dog, all I can think is, "Yes, it's lovely, but it'll die". Every time I envisage myself owning a pet, my mind immediately floods with pre-emptive grief. What if it got run over? Or it choked on something? What if I tripped and fell and dropped a Yellow Pages on its head? I just couldn't bear it."

"Yes, I know humans die too, and usually leave even sharper grief in their wake when they do so. But you can't go through life without becoming at least vaguely attached to at least one or two humans in some form or another. The pain they'll cause is unavoidable. Whereas pets seem easier to cut out."

"I know, pet lovers, I know. The joy your pets give while alive far outweighs the grief of their passing. You might even argue that foreknowledge of your pet's future death actually lends your delight in their comparatively fleeting existence even more resonance"

"One person suggested buying something dangerous, like a scorpion or a tiger. That way, rather than worrying about its death, I'd be worrying about my own. Our day-to-day existence would turn into a nail-biting contest in which only one of us would make it out alive"

"Someone else suggested a virtual pet, like a Tamagotchi. I had one of those years ago: accidentally put it through the washing machine in a jeans pocket and felt like a murderer. Taxidermy also got a mention. True, a stuffed pet wouldn't die. But it would stand around in a glass box, advertising death"

"I suppose what I'm getting at here is I'm just too damn angsty to own a pet. Which is a pity because, like I say, I've got a cat flap. And whenever people see it they go, "Ooh, have you got a cat?" and I have to explain that I don't, because of death and everything, and it's a bit of a conversation-killer to be honest. And it's happened so many times now that every time I see the cat flap, I think about the cat I don't have, and how much I'd like one if only it wouldn't die, and then I realise I'm mourning a theoretical cat, which in turn leads me to contemplate how little time I have in my own life, and how I shouldn't really waste it in morbid mental cul-de-sacs, and that makes me sad. The cat flap makes me sad.

Which is why I'm going to stop typing now and brick the bastard up. Who's laughing now, cat flap? WHO'S LAUGHING NOW?"